Dating a man who is not financially stable can be challenging, but it cannot be a reason why you choose not to stay with him.
When you are in a relationship, you want to be in a place where you can support each other. But if your partner is not financially stable, that can lead to some challenges.
Society has trained people to look for prospective partners who can support a family financially.
Even though you might disagree with this outlook, you need to figure out a way to balance life in the long run.
If you are dating a man who is not financially stable, you will have to answer some critical questions. A relationship isn’t always all roses and rainbows.
While love is solid and beautiful, it will not help you survive in the world. The reality of the world is different.
Capitalist structures and systems within these structures have put a transactional value on almost every aspect of human lives.
Everything can be made into a commodity and sold; emotional labor is not above that. So, what to do if you are dating a man who is not financially stable? Find out in the following sections!
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Dating a man who is struggling financially
Dating a man who is struggling might be a deterrent for many people. In society, men are portrayed as the bread-earners.
They are primed from a young age to play into the societal expectations of being the family’s protector and earner. He is supposed to be strong, manly, and thriving financially.
Through media and literature, people are trained to look at financial success, domineering attitudes, and a rough exterior of men as signs of masculinity.
There is much discourse both within and outside of academia about the realm of masculinity and what it entails, and how people perform it.
Regarding dating, people must present their best qualities at the forefront to attract people. Many people see wealth or success as a crucial aspect of a man’s attractiveness.
But it is a superficial reading of an individual’s worth. Masculinity and its intersections with other genders are interesting to note in this topic.
While it is true that material concerns are valid, examining why you might not want to continue dating a man struggling financially is crucial.
My boyfriend is struggling financially.
‘My boyfriend is struggling financially’ – scrutinize this statement. What does it make you feel? If you think this statement is about finding ways of helping a person financially, that can be valid.
If you assume that this person is asking about what to do in a situation where dating a man who is not financially stable is the issue, that is also valid.
People have various preferences. Ditching someone who is not financially stable might make you a materialist.
But if you have serious concerns about both of your future lives, that is a valid reason.
If you already have children and are looking for a partner who can support you and your children, you are not wrong to feel so.
But some people are only concerned about money and fame. These people do not care about the person but the riches and comforts.
In some cases, you also need to think practically. Can this person be someone that you can rely on in the future? Can this person secure a dependable present for you?
If these questions are not related to that person being a man, then it is okay to think about these things.
Dating a man who is not financially stable
Dating a man who is not financially stable does not reflect on your character.
While many men in certain circles on social media flaunt their money and associate having wealth with having partners, there is a double standard.
If women are open about their intentions of dating a financially stable person, then they are called derogatory terms online.
Words like ‘gold-digger’ and ‘shallow’ are common in these cases. But why are women held to such a standard?
Men, on the other side, are told to feel emasculated if a woman supports them.
Certain expressions of masculinity are so fragile that they will break if a man depends on a successful woman.
If a woman wants someone who is financially well-off, then people tell them they are materialistic and vapid.
Looking closely, you will realize that both ends of the gender spectrum are held to contrasting and often-times foolish standards.
What is ideal for you in a partner might not be suitable for someone else.
Dating a man who is not financially stable might not be a significant matter to someone, while it can be a deal-breaker to some.
It is essential to be open to nuances that often get lost in translating gender expression and duties.
The blind spot
Many people fall prey to a blind spot when it comes to dating. Heterosexual relationships are always under strict scrutiny.
As most of society has accepted heterosexual or straight relationships as the standard, men and women who are a part of this system are often subjected to many standards.
You must have watched the videos on YouTube that get randomly suggested to you. Those videos are on the perfect ‘alpha males’ or the perfect ‘lady-like women.’
Both sides have standardized certain critical features as homogeneous and essential. Women should be modest, feminine of a particular type, and subservient to their men.
Men should be strong, unemotional, and established. These are just a few examples of the standards people are held to.
When it comes to relationships, years of misinformation, power dynamics, and toxic ideals color the context of love, love is not just an emotion but a symbol.
The symbol doesn’t just represent mutual understanding and respect between individuals but is a symbol of a particular mode of thinking that society has deemed acceptable.
Dating a man who is not financially stable opens a blind spot that many are not aware of.
Materialistic or misandrist?
Wanting to date someone of an equal social and economic background is not wrong. The concern arises for many reasons.
While romantic notions of love are good only in movies and books, in real life, you need to consider many things in a relationship.
The personality and opinions of that person, their habits and flaws, and their social and economic background play an important role.
People from different walks of life can come together, but they can’t make a relationship work just for the sake of love. Money talks and that is true in relationships as well.
Just as men have to go through complicated social maneuvers to get into a relationship, women are equally, if not more, subjected to mental and social gymnastics.
People can vilify women for being too modest or not modest enough. Women are criticized because they want secure and stable individuals or are too independent.
If you are dating someone who is happy to be perpetually unemployed and doesn’t want to get better, not just for your sake but for himself, then that relationship might not last.
But if a person is trying their best and still struggling financially, but you expect them to do everything because that person is a man, it is a problem.
Equality in relationships
Navigating relationships is not easy. Love takes a conscious effort every day, and it takes work to make it happen.
While a woman can expect a man to care for her financially, a man is not supposed to think along the same line.
A man is expected to be a distant parental figure, someone stoic and rough. But if a woman is a distant parental figure and stoic and intimidating, she is even more vilified.
A man is expected to cheat if he finds his wife unsatisfactory for any reason, but when a woman does the same, she is called heinous things.
A woman has the freedom to express love and affection towards the people she cares about, but a man is ridiculed when he does the same.
All these double standards make relationship equality a tricky thing. That is why couples must consciously fight and resist these ideas regarding their relationships.
Many people, despite their best intentions, hold certain prejudices. While having prejudices is not in itself a bad thing, you have to educate and relearn certain things.
Overarching paradigms of masculinity, femininity, and non-binary or gender-fluid identities are subjected to shifts and transformation.
Individual identities are not homogenous; while a community of identities might share similar experiences and features, that doesn’t make each other a perfect replica.
Unraveling the essentials of femininity and masculinity is important, and examining why people think some aspects must be ‘essential’ is crucial.
There are no distinct inherent ideals of gender identity. It is a construct, made and remade and unmade through centuries of lived experiences.
De-mystifying masculinity will unveil a person akin to you and many others. De-mystifying femininity will help people realize that what sets others apart don’t make them alien.
People are people, and when it comes to love, everyone wants to feel nourished. Gender shouldn’t dictate how you love another being.
Dating a man who is not financially stable shouldn’t be a big deal from both sides of the gender spectrum.
It should be a matter of want, not someone’s gender, that dictates your relationship’s success. Communication is vital in any relationship.
If you find something problematic in the other person, discuss it and try to resolve it together.
Queer relationships and financial stability
Queer relationships are subjected to a whole set of prejudices that are different and somewhat similar to the prejudices heterosexual relationships have to go through.
They are not only subjected to hatred and distrust from outside their communities, but internalized hatred plays a significant role.
Relationship and functions that people enact while within a connection has been colored in a cis-gendered and heterosexual light for a long time.
People who fall outside of these categories might find the basic things of relationships challenging.
For those people who are non-binary or genderqueer, the social roles of the provider and caretaker become obsolete or confusing.
For same-gendered couples, navigating relationship expectations can be convoluted due to deep-rooted issues that social systems have perpetrated.
But this doesn’t mean that there are no lasting or healthy relationships. People, irrespective of their gender and orientation, must acknowledge the primary thing that everyone is human.
They are made of both right and wrong, good and bad. Communication and respect are essential for the success of any relationship.
If you are dating a man who is not financially stable, then ask yourself what your expectations are. Are those expectations based on him as an individual or as a man?
Finally, how you want to set up your preferences in men is on you. You are human, and so is your partner.
While it can be challenging to unlearn some of the problematic aspects of gendered education ingrained into people since birth, give each other the benefit of the doubt.
If you want to date someone equal to you economically, go for it! If you or your partner has no problems with one of you being more economically sound, then good for you!
Don’t let society and strangers dictate how you should live your life and what kind of people. Each individual has something unique to offer.
Be it wealth, emotions, knowledge, skills, or a mixture and combination of all these things. What and how you want to receive them is on you. Make informed decisions.
Dating a man who is not financially stable is good and evil, depending on your expectations. Just don’t let the crux of the matter revolve around the fact that your partner happens to be a man.
Adjust your expectations, encourage and support each other and if it isn’t something you want, look for someone else who better suits your needs!