You can use these tips to maintain, improve, or clarify relationships with people. They are equally well suited for those who are just starting a relationship and for those who have been married for many years. They can also be successfully used in an attempt to build relationships between children and parents, friends, and employees. Remember that following advice means developing a specific skill, and each piece of advice is a separate skill of its own. This will take time. You may not succeed, run into another person’s resistance, or meet other obstacles. The main thing is to continue to practice adult, adequate relationships. Such relationships are built on mutual trust, respect, the desire to maintain relations, and willingness to make efforts and change ourselves. Some say that people do not change. It’s a lie. People are changing, and the proof of this is centuries-old psychotherapeutic practice.
An alcoholic quits drinking, a melancholic person gets out of depression, an anxious person overcomes their fears, and an egoist begins to love. Do not give up, like a child who learns to walk does not give up. They want to grow up; they know that this is right, and this is why they continue fighting. They do not care about the laughter of other people. They want to get on their feet and have no doubt that they have the right to do so. Many problems can be solved, many discoveries can be made, and many relationships can be preserved if you use simple but effective tips.
1. Avoid criticism
It creates a hierarchy in the relations of people according to the type of “one above, another below” or “one smart, but another is a fool.” Such a hierarchy humiliates one person and entertains a sense of self-importance of another. There is no respect in this, and without respect, normal relations will not exist. Instead of criticizing your partner, propose specific changes in the behavior of another person. Offer, do not order, and do not demand.
If your partner seems to criticize you all the time and it drives you nuts, they don’t want to change or acknowledge their own mistakes, then there is no reason to continue such a relationship. Just meet a single girl online today, have fun.
2. Get rid of your speculations
Do not tell the person what they think or feel. You do not know this, but only guess that this is the case. Remember that facts and assumptions are two different things. By relying on speculation, you lead the relationship into a world of illusions and conjectures, resentment, anger, and disappointment.
3. Do not use phrases like “You always …” and “You never …”
Firstly, this is most likely not true. Secondly, it depreciates another person. Thirdly, this is a meaningless claim. Talk about a specific case that has occurred or is occurring. Use the words “I want,” “I would like to,” etc.
4. Do not use the “right-wrong” and “bad-good” categories
They are only suitable for raising young children. If you can say that it is uniquely correct and good (or vice versa), then you have some absolute knowledge. Are you sure you are wise enough for this? Besides, right-wrong, bad-good, and fair-unfair are very subjective things, and everyone decides for themselves what is good and what is bad. When disagreements arise, look for a compromise solution.
5. Talk about your feelings
Use the words “I feel” instead of saying “You.” For example: “I feel insulted when you ignore me,” rather than “You are selfish and do not notice me.” Or: “I get angry when you order me what to do,” instead of “I am so done with you,” “I feel unnecessary humiliated, lonely when…” etc. 6. Be honest and sincere with each other, but do not go too far
Remember that no one has the right, without demand and invitation, to climb into the inner world of another person. This applies to both best friends or spouses who have been married for 30 years, as well as parents and children.
7. “I’m normal and you’re normal”
“I matter to you, and you matter to me.” Otherwise, the two would not be together. Sometimes it’s hard to understand what exactly connects two people, but this can be understood.
Write down the things that you find to be useful. Carry them in your pocket, hang them on the refrigerator, remember them, memorize them.
Sometimes it happens that a lot of mutual anger and grievances have accumulated between people; they make excessive demands and have unrealistic expectations or emotional problems. Then it may not be possible to independently return the relationship to harmony, and you need specialist advice or psychotherapy.
In the process of building a happy relationship, it is important not to strive to create ideal relationships because the ideal is always imaginary. No relationship is ever perfect, but you can always do your best to make improvements to it.
