Parenting dos and dont’s. Where is the balance of care and control


The main goal of parenting is to ensure the healthy and sane development of children and help them become active participants in life. When growing up, we often complain about our parents being too ignorant or obsessively caring. However, when reaching their position, when tend to repeat the same mistakes, thinking that we are good parents, but something doesn’t work. 

So, how to be a good parent? Are there any golden rules? Probably, there is no set-in-stone answer, yet there are a few guidelines to consider. 

1.Don’t  – Be too controlling

Obviously, parents are worried about their children’s security, and the reasons are quite clear. However, this care, stemming from love, can grow into constant anxiety and the need to know where the kids are. Phone calls and messages throughout the day may seem cute for primary school kids, yet, the middle school will not tolerate such control for long. 

Imagine you, having a walk with friends, and your Mum, signaling you every 15-30 minutes, wondering where you are. Doesn’t it seem embarrassing and irritating in front of the kids? 

Instead of creating a nervous and controlling image of yourself, just use a GPS tracker for kids, which will give peace of mind to you (as you will be able to check the location of a child) and your kids (as they will avoid all the answer-immediately experience). Besides, if there is a need, you can listen to the kid’s surroundings, which is extremely helpful in some situations. 

2.Don’t – Be overreactive

Overreactive parents turn every small problem into a global one. A scratch or a bump on the head is definitely not a pleasant thing to have, but they don’t deserve all the fuss parents can make. There are always antiseptic lotions to be used and keep going. When children play with each other they will have some wounds, it happens naturally and it’s just a way to teach them to be more attentive. 

The same goes for psychological influence. Children need to learn to communicate the issues with each other, without parental showdowns. Otherwise, they won’t be able to stand their ground when reaching adulthood. 

P.S. However, bullying deserves the proper attention of parents from both sides, as such problems go beyond common misunderstandings. 

3.Don’t – Benchmark classmate’s success

Benchmarking someone’s success is a nightmare for children. It devaluates self-worth, decreases the level of confidence, and ruins all the fundamentals of friendship with parents. Besides, adults need to understand that a beautiful picture of a straight “A” isn’t always backed up by the same good situation at home. 

4.Don’t – Discuss family matters publicly

What happens in Berlin – stays in Berlin; what happens in the family – stays in the family, and there are no exceptions to this rule. Don’t go public when discussing your kids’ problems with other parents, or even worse, complaining about their behavior and poor school performance. It will just grow a high level of anger and frustration. 

Just imagine how your coworkers will discuss your life matters with each other, probably, it isn’t very satisfying. 

5.Do – Dedicate quality time

Quality time is one of the love languages. Parents often spend time at work, reaching goals and earning a decent living. However, such immersion into work has no place for talking, reading books, walking outside, or just being together. There are so many examples of heartbroken kids because of the lack of attention, yet parents still can’t prioritize everything correctly. 

6.Do – Talk

Communication is the key to any kind of relationship. It creates a deep level of trust and comfort zone. It’s essential for every person to have someone to talk to, share their ideas, thoughts, fears, and doubts, and be heard. Honest and equal communication will make an invisible bond between you, the one that kids value more than anything else. 

Proper communication includes equality and has no place for ‘honey-bunny’ childish talks. Kids often see through things better than adults. 

7.Do – Encourage

There are numerous stories of success told by people, who were not given credit by anybody else but their parents. Of course, it shouldn’t be taken as blind love and blind support. Every talented person has a chance to grow their talent if there is due diligence, however, parental encouragement empowers as well. 

8.Do – Keep balanced parenting

Balance is something will all strive for, and often fail to achieve. Balanced care is a fine line that gives enough freedom and warmth for kids, yet still stands for proper monitoring and discipline. Letting the kids loose may lead to terrifying results, being too rigid will suffocate the inner self of a child.

Being a parent is challenging, as it is a 24/7 responsibility for someone’s life and performance. However, it’s important to avoid extremes like helicopter or tiger parenting as either variant will not benefit the maturity of the children. Learn from your mistakes, observe the kids, and try to understand their needs. Parenting is an interdependent process of you becoming a parent, and kids growing up under your influence. 


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