When a marriage is on the rocks, the only priority is getting it back to a stable condition. Keeping it from tumbling off the ledge is all you care about. You have to get to a point where both parties agree that they want to make it work. They also have to believe it is possible to make it work. The effort has no chance if even one party is convinced that it is impossible.
It can be difficult to know when a troubled relationship has been saved. What does that even mean? You both have decided to try to make it work. You are on a regular marriage counseling schedule. You have changed the behaviors that brought your marriage to the brink. Does that mean it is actually saved?
Then, there are the kids. If your marriage involves children, that is a whole other level of complexity. Perhaps you are only making this effort because of the kids. You have fallen out of love. But you know that a divorce would be harmful to the children. What does it mean for a loveless marriage to be saved? These are complex questions that will have different answers for every couple. However, there are a few things worth trying once you have entered the phase of recommitment. Here are three:
As the saying goes, if you always do what you’ve always done, then you’ll always get what you’ve always got. You have to change some things at the core if you want core things to change. One of those core things is education. Studies show that people with more formal education have an increased chance of having a lasting marriage.
This might be a good time to go back to school and pursue your interest in interior decoration. Not only does it provide a fun and exciting career, it can be symbolic of what you are trying to do with your relationship.
Unlike interior design, interior decoration is about using the existing structure and space and getting the most beauty and functionality out of it rather than reshaping the space. This is what you are doing with your relationship. You are taking what you have and discovering the beauty and value within, bringing its inherent qualities to the forefront. Big gestures need to be supported by big changes. Recommitting to education is one of the best.
Even in the military, recommitment ceremonies rejuvenate ties. It is one thing to say you would marry her all over again. It is another thing to actually do it. This grand gesture is one of the more meaningful steps you can take to ensure that your marriage is on a solid path forward.
It is important because it is so public. Your conversations are private. Your counseling sessions are private. No one really knows what you are going through to improve your marriage. But a recommitment ceremony is a public declaration before family, friends, and community that you are doing everything you can to make things work. And you are even more committed to those ends than you were the first time. It takes courage to take this public step. And that courage can pay off big.
Redo Your Honeymoon Period
You can and should have a second honeymoon, especially if you didn’t have the one you really wanted the first time around. Every couple needs a period of time to themselves apart from family, friends, and community. They need some period of time when they are the only two people in the world.
For your second honeymoon, try going some place where neither of you have ever been so that you can both discover the world afresh. In the process, you will also discover each other afresh. Neither of you are the same people you were the first time around. Take some time to get to know each other. Give yourselves a chance to fall in love all over again.
Saving a marriage is a lifelong task that is always in process. At a certain stage, it makes sense to make your recommitment official by improving yourself through education, publicly recommitting, and giving yourself a chance to fall in love all over again.