What if who you thought was “the one” suddenly slips through your fingers? What are you to do then?
Although it’s a tragic thing to break up with someone who you thought will be with you forever and ever, you can still find comfort in the fact that this can happen to almost anyone. On the bright side, a good percentage of couples who break up for the first time manage to amend their romantic relationship and come out stronger due to their time apart.
So before you tear your hair out wondering where you went wrong in the relationship, know that you still have a good chance of reclaiming your lost love. All hope is not lost at this point; trust that you can still give it another shot.
However, please take note that the possibility of you and your ex-boyfriend getting back together would depend on how your relationship fell out. It is safe to assume that your chances grow thin when the gravity of the break up is worse.
For example, you cheated. Let’s not mince words here. Whether you chatted up some dude online and engaged in “too friendly” conversations with him or hooked up with a random stranger during one of your wild nights with the girls doesn’t change the fact that you were unfaithful to your partner. It doesn’t even matter if you were lonely, depressed, under influence, or whatnot. Fact remains that your partner has been terribly wounded by your actions (read more).
If it’s a case like this, chances of rekindling your romance are dim. After all, if you really loved and valued your partner, things wouldn’t have had to come to this point. Still, this doesn’t mean your chances of getting back together are zero – especially when you are 100% repenting for your past actions. Just know that building the trust that you lost is going to be a thorny path. You have to work twice as hard to gain his 100% faith again, if that even is possible.
On the other hand, if your offense is far from grave. Like, you simply threw an unnecessary tantrum because he ordered you the wrong size of fries, then you’re in luck. There’s a pretty good chance that you can still turn things around without heavy, permanent damage. Here are some ways to get your ex back for real this time:
Recognize Your Faults
If you know you’re being a whiny, unreasonable, and annoying brat 80 percent of the time, then own up to it and change. You have to make an effort to change or at least tone down your negative behaviours. Otherwise, you and your partner will still end up in the same situation you are in right now.
Offer A Real Apology
“I’m sorry, okay? I can’t help it if I’m this way!”
This isn’t an apology. This is just your sorry attempt to sound apologetic while still shielding your ego. When your apology is far from sincere, it might not get across the right way. And also, there’s a pretty good chance the other person would be even more offended than forgiving.
Apologize properly. There is nothing wrong when you own up to your own mistakes. Is your pride more important than the person you love? It probably isn’t. Otherwise, you wouldn’t even consider getting back together. Here are some good examples to follow: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-dance-connection/201409/the-9-rules-true-apologies.
Assure Them That Things Will Be Different
If you really think about it, no person in their right state of mind would willingly go back to a relationship that has zero merit for them. If they know that along the way things will end up in the same state, then they would rather not invest the time at all, don’t you think? I think this goes both ways. If you were placed in the same exact situation, I believe that you wouldn’t invest time, effort, and feelings again knowing that you will still end up with a scarred heart.
So how do you make them come back in this situation? Well, for one, you have to give them the assurance that things will be different. You have to lay down your cards and tell them exactly what would change should they decide to work on your relationship again.
Broken bonds are hard to amend but it’s definitely not impossible. This is especially true when both you and your partner have decided to work on things together. However, before you go out of your way to get your ex back, ask yourself: Is this really what I want?
If you think that being together destroys both of you rather than build you to become better versions of yourselves, then maybe – no matter how much it hurts – it’s time to let go. Healing takes time but wounds never fully recover if you keep opening them up. Love, learn, and grow.