How’s your dating life, gentlemen? If you’re consistently getting the results you don’t want, it’s likely you’re consistently doing something wrong. The experts from California have come up with these 7 mistakes men make all the time:
This could be your person, your home, or your car. Women expect guys to be marginally less fastidious than them. What they do want to see is, first, a little effort. Beyond that, they want a sense that your ordinary lifestyle is somewhat superior to that of your average city rat.
It’s about basic stuff. Don’t smell. Don’t have dirty fingernails. If you’re going to drive her somewhere, have the passenger seat cleared of old candy wrappers before it’s time to open the door for her. However counterintuitive it seems, the floor of your apartment being sticky does not make her likely to stick around.
Treating her – or others – with cruelty
It’s great that you’re masculine, but that doesn’t mean behaving like a hockey goon when you’re on your date. Unless you’re both 15 years old, most women by now have caught on to the “be mean to her to make her want you,” Pick Up Artist trick. Just as bad, though, is the guy who feels compelled to act like a lout toward the waiter so he can look like “the big man.” This sends all sorts of bad signals, including that you’re unaccustomed to being in restaurants.
This should be obvious if you’re going out on a date with a woman who doesn’t indulge in intoxicants, but it’s arguably just important if she does. Your being clear-eyed and under no outside influence while sitting across the table sends a few signals. It shows you have self-control, which is going to be attractive to most women even if she doesn’t, and maybe because she doesn’t.
It shows that you value her. It signals that you’re meeting her with your authentic self. Finally, if and when the two of you do decide to share a couple of glasses of wine, or whatever, your doing so won’t just be an entertainment but an intimacy.
Being cheap or unsentimental
If you’ve asked a woman out on a date, you do want to act in a “natural” manner, but not to the point where you’re treating her like one of the boys. It won’t kill you to tell her you to find her attractive, but, trust us, you’ll want to say it with some feeling. There’s absolutely no reason to preemptively “friend zone” yourself.
The thing to remember is that you’re trying to build erotic tension. You want to be implying that there’s at least a hope of a little ecstasy in store for her if she makes you The One. Try not to drool, but let her know she’s lovely.
Being threatened by her success
Once you learn what her job is, your job is to be supportive. Act like someone who is going to support her dreams, not like someone likely to become an obstacle to them. Ask a few interesting questions about what she does.
Don’t start tearing her job down, and don’t start giving signs that you’re competing with her. She’s got the whole world to fight. She doesn’t need to fight her man, too.
A lot of women today are highly successful and well-off financially. Ask yourself whether that’s something you can work through, or if you simply prefer to be more of an old-fashioned breadwinner even on your modest income. After all, there are also a lot of women ready to be impressed by a guy’s simply having a pickup truck and a steady job.
Not Having a Pickup Truck and a Steady Job
Have your own place, have an income, and have what employers call “reliable transportation.” It might seem silly even to mention this except that we both know that if alone, a guy can easily slip beneath this basic threshold and be serenely content about it, at least for a time.
It’s probably unwise to start dating if you regularly have periods when you have no money. It’s probably unwise to start dating if you often find yourself borrowing or asking for money.
It’s great to show you value her. It’s great to show you have a heart. But if you take this too far, it begins to look like you don’t value yourself. Worse, it can look as though you’re looking for her to be something between your mother and your therapist. This isn’t a good look for a man. In most cases, it’s as though you’re pouring water on the embers of whatever desire for you she might have been kindling.
This can be a ticket to the Friend Zone, but take clinginess too far and you won’t even get that. She might decide you’re the sort who might become an obsessive stalker and dump you altogether.
Finally, these seven dating mistakes, and any of the thousands of others, only become an issue if you’re actually going out on dates, and you’re only going on dates if you’re talking to enough women. Are you? Or have you become frustrated with your dating results based upon too small a sample size.