HOW NOT TO MESS UP YOUR FIRST DATE?

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HOW NOT TO MESS UP YOUR FIRST DATE?

The hardest part is the part where you make her/him say ‘yes’ for the date. After that ‘yes,’ there are numerous other hard things to encounter. Once the date is official, there are a million ways to screw it up even before the date could start. Do you want to go prepared? Here are a few tips from relationship specialists and fellow daters.

Give a call; avoid text

Practically, you can convey a lot of information in one minute in a call rather than texting for five minutes straight. Calling is a more humane connection way, showing the other person that you genuinely care about the date. A phone call also shows that you are confident. People like confidence in others, especially when they are looking for a love interest.

Plan your date

Say, you call and fix the date. How would the conversation go? You would start with simple small talks like, ‘how are you,’ ‘how is work,’ and so on. Once those pieces of information are shared, you would move on to ask whether he/she wants to hang out with you. After getting an affirmative answer, make sure to have something productive to say about the date plan. The date can be as simple as a dinner at a restaurant down the block from your apartment. You should fix the time, talk about transportation options(whether you would pick him/her up, or the other way round),  and so on. It is also wise to have two or three options in hand.

The worst scenario is asking the other person to choose for you. It doesn’t only show chivalry or openness; it also shows that you are utterly unprepared for the date and expect the other to do all the thinking and planning. Whether the person likes your option are not is the next problem. Say, you suggest a Knicks game and the other person does not like into sports. It does not create a bad impression either unless you want the other, to love the Knicks.

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Groom up

There is a reason why getting ready is called ‘grooming.’ Guys should do it too, especially for the first date. It is not the female’s job to get all dressed up, clean, and spotless. A bare minimum expectation is a clean shave, combed hair, body-odor less dress, appropriate clothing, and proper footwear. You need not spend hundreds of dollars on your dress. Also, do not walk in like you bought the whole attire with five dollars.

If you are a drinker, avoid drinking before the date. Or, at least stop with one drink. Do not show up half-drunk and blabbering on her doorstep. If you are a smoker, do not smoke before or during the date. If you cannot resist smoking, choose e-cigarettes like DaVinci IQ2 Vaporizer. The flavor of the liquid will give you a fragrance rather than a charcoal smell.

Chivalry and feminism

Guys should show a little chivalry, and it is the bare minimum expectation even in 2020 or years to come by. Offer to pick her up. It is not against feminism. Whether she accepts or denies is her point of view, but offering to pick her up is your duty. Open the door for her, wait for her to sit before you grab your chair, and so on. If the girl suggests that she has arms and can do it herself, it is well and good, less work for you.

Girls should make sure to show some class during the first date. You can be an unapologizing feminist, but the first date is not the time to smack that on to his face. If you feel uncomfortable with his chivalry, speak up. Guys love girls who offer them a ride (99% the answer would be ‘no, thank you,’ but guys like when girls take charge), reach out to pay the bill, and so on.  If he appreciates your beauty, do not jump up to argue that women are not objects. Enjoy the attention you get. You can explain your views over the next few dates.

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Don’t wander off

Your date’s story about Brexit views might be off-putting and boring. In any case, you should not wander off your thoughts. If it bothers you, you can gently change the topic. Always maintain eye contact and genuinely listen to what the other person has to say. Respond with actual words other than ahh, oh, wow, hmm, aha, and other fillers. If you see a better-looking person across the table, it is human nature to take a look. However, this human nature would drastically increase the chances of your first date being the last ever conversation with your date. It is not a buffet to cherry-pick. Be genuinely interested in your date, or at least fake it.

It is not all about you

You might be a Nobel laureate, but if you go on and on about yourself, you may lose the game. It is all about sharing. Keep intimate details for the third or fifth date. Just give a gist of your work, childhood, and life. Allow them to talk and shift to common topics. Your work on aerodynamics for decades might not click as much as you believe it would.

Listen and ask questions

It is rude to interrupt, and this is advice that a mother gives to her five-year-old. This rule, unfortunately, follows you throughout your life, even during your date. You will not look like an alpha male or an independent woman if you interrupt. You will most probably come off as an irritating character. Listen to them. If you want to change the topic, ask questions, which would turn the plates around. If your date goes on and on about adopting a dog from a shelter, ask whether she had any pets growing up, and tune it towards her childhood, as far as away from the dog topic, as possible.

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On the other hand, do not go on talking like you are giving a sermon. Allow your date to open the mouth. If you want to talk your feelings out, seek a psychiatrist’s couch and not your date night.

Express how amazing the date went

Say, the date did go well. What you think cannot be interrupted by your date. You need to verbally express that you like spending time with him/her. However, don’t do it every five minutes. It would make you look too needy. If you wish to meet again, make plans for the next date, and keep it up.

Keep some mystery

Do not try to tell everything about you on the very first date. The weird-looking mole on your kneecap can wait until the fifth or sixth date. Your baggage with your ex is not something you should share on the first date. Vet your thought process before you speak out. On the same note, do not try to find out everything about your date on the very first day. It would look creepy, not considerate, or interested. Asking your date any intimate information can be a deal-breaker on the first date.

The last advice is to be yourself. If you end up turning yourself into someone different to impress your date, your cover will fall off on the tenth or eleventh date. Your job is to alter simple things that you usually overlook to show that you genuinely care.

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