Love heals, love inspires happiness. When we're in love, we fee wonderful and inspired.
So, what happens to the body, mind, and spirit when two people fall out of love?
At the chemical level, when we feel in love, the brain releases to the body what we “love” chemicals. And these love chemicals have an effect on the mind.
The happy ins, I call them: dopamine, endorphin, oxytocin, serotonin; all naturally produced by your reaction to you feeling in love. Suddenly you feel happy.
Happiness is a state of mind. Once love gives you the idea that you are happy because your body feels good, your vibration rises, your electromagnetic field frequency rises, you send out pure good vibes to others, and so people are attracted to you as well.
Once you are resonating with love at the physical and mental level, your spirit shines like a sunflower on a sunny day.
Love can move mountains, and that is what people do when they feel in love. So when a couple falls out love, there are lots of mountains to climb remain to get back to the Self.
So how can you get through it? Read on for our tips on a healing and healthy divorce.
7 Tips for a Healthy Divorce
But this time, unless there is peace between the two parties, the brain is releasing another cocktail of depressive chemicals that bring you down, poisons the liver with anger, weakens the heart with lack, and causes a lot of disharmony in the body and the mind.
Divorce is difficult, not because it is difficult per say, but because when people divorce usually they do it without love. “Conscious Uncoupling” can be the healthiest way to divorce when you decide your other half is not completing you.
If you are going through a divorce, and you want to go about it without feeling or causing more suffering, the best recommendation for you is to have a healthy one.
1. Breathe Consciously
To focus your attention on your breath means you will be able to respond instead of reacting when unpleasant sensation arises, and breath deeper.
How is this possible? It is simple really. When you focus your attention consciously on your breath, meaning observing respiration as it comes in, as it comes out, eventually the mind concentrates on one point only and stops thinking.
This allows you to clear the memory train, and lets you observe your sensations as they arise, giving you the control of your own emotions, and the mastery of your mind.
This will allow you to stop yourself from reacting when emotions run wild and memories that hurt come up to the surface.
2. Observe Your Sensations
Not only will you clear your mind from negative thoughts, but you will also learn to recognize them as they show up because your respiration will change when your emotions fluctuate and provoke a sensation in your body.
You will learn to recognize how anger agitates your breathing and will identify the heat that your body feels, allowing you to mindfully take a big breath before reacting out of rage.
Observing your sensations while you focus on your breath will teach you about impermanence, as sensations arise and pass away, and with practice, you will start training your mind to just observe and allow the insight to surface from the experience.
A response acted from wisdom, will be so much more beneficial to you and your family, than a reaction out of anger.
3. Honor How You Feel
In simple terms, divorce is not what triggers your unhappiness, but the sensations that come with it.
How do you feel? The key to non-violent communication is to learn to listen. Once you listen to how you feel, the key techniques for a successful negotiation are basic: Say how you feel and ask for what you need.
This applies to both parties. Focusing on your breath and learning to observe without judgment, will allow you to speak clearly when you speak about how you feel, but it also will allow you to listen gracefully when the other speaks about feelings and wants.
Respect is basic for a friendly divorce.
4. Remember Your Intention
What is your intention? This simple answer will be your strength when things get confusing, or emotions escalate. Remember your intention, which has to be the one that relates to your inner peace.
Sure, you might have the intention to make the other feel as much suffering as you are feeling, but ask yourself, will this help your peace of mind? No suffering helps peace of mind.
The idea is to eradicate your suffering, and this is only done when you succeed in awaking compassion in your heart. We cannot know love until we know compassion.
5. Let Go
Whether the divorce is your choice or not, to let go is will be your best advisor.
This can be done by simply letting go of old photos to letting go of something more substantial like a family home. Reading information like this article can help with such a process.
Either you let go because you are out of love, or you let go because you are still in love, either way, to let go is to be free from your own attachments to that which is creating discord.
Sometimes to let go is all a couple needs to find love again. As cliché as it sounds if you love somebody set them free…
6. Ask for Help
Divorce has many components to its well being.
Whether it is financial agreements, children's custody, or couples therapy, a mediator can be very helpful to mirror your situation from a perspective distance that will allow you two to decide what is best for each, individually, and as a family.
A Collaborative Divorce attorney can prove very helpful through the process of a healthy conscious divorce.
7. Understand this Will also Change
When things get difficult, try to understand that all this is transient and that every moment arises just to pass away, like understanding the law of nature: change.
If a healthy divorce is unachievable for whatever reason, know that this too shall pass.
We are in constant state of change, nothing is the same as it was or as it will be, your only reality is this moment, and in this moment is the seed of your future.
If you're ready to go deeper in creating a home and life for yourself post-divorce check out our blog for more inspiration.