There are many reasons why travellers make the ultimate decision to move to and settle in a particular country. For some it can be as simple as falling instantly in love with everything about a place – the scenery, the cuisine, the cutlure and for others it’s falling in love with a special someone within that country.
In either situation, it can be difficult to know if it’s just a short-lived crush or if it’s true love. How can you be sure you’re making the right choice to move for love? How do you know which one it is – a crush or real love? Is it worth the risk? Is it worth the potential sacrifices – will you get more than you have to give up?
If you’re struggling with making a similar decision, you’re not alone and it’s actually a good thing that you’re pausing to consider if this is the right choice, this means you’re still slightly grounded in reality! The very best thing you can try to do is counter the wonderful love hormones racing through your body! Here are a few ways you can do this.
Idealistic v Realistic
Whether we’re in love or lust we will experience very similar emotions which can lead us to viewing the situation through ‘rose tinted glasses’ – where everything is ‘rosey’ and everything is perfect. In all the thrilling excitement and with these endorphins racing through your body, you’re unlikely to see any flaws or concerns with the situation. Instead, you’re more likely to see it through an optimistic and idealyic lense which can be risky business with such a massive life changing decision!
So, to pull you back to reality, ask youself some practical questions and consider some worst case scenarios. Here are some to give you an idea…
- Who am I doing this for?
- Can I remain indepenent in this country or will I be reliant on my partner?
- What would happen if the relationship didn’t work out?
- What are my options if its ends and how comfortable am I with this possibility?
Let’s take an hypothetical situation – Jane from New York City takes a month out to travel around the UK, when visiting London, she not only falls in love with the charm of the capital but also the British men within it! Inevitably she falls for Richard from Greenwich and after a whirlwind 6 months they discuss the future of their relationship. Richard, having never been to NYC before and with a steady job, suggests Jane moves to London. As Jane has also fallen in love with the city it’s a win win situation – love on all fronts!
Yet back home, Jane has a stable job, a gorgous apartment, close family and friends, and her first loves – Maisy and Molly, her two adorably cute miniture poddles.
That is a lot to leave behind for love.Yes of course, bringing pets to the UK is possible, her family can visit, she can get a new job and a new apartment. But, is it worth it if it doesn’t work out?
In this sitation, when you’re blinded by love, it more probable that you might struggle to see these as losses and your focus may just be on what you have to gain – the love of your life.
How can you be brought down to reality?
It’s actually quite simple. Don’t rush and wait a while before making radical decisions. For Jane, perhaps extending her trip would be a good initial step. Maybe at least attempting the long-distance relationship ‘thing’ and sharing the travel to visit eachother for a while. Bascially, doing anything that extends the timeframe rather than having to rush such an important decision.
The next element you’ll want to draw some attention to, is that this situation brings with it a whole host of unusal pressures and stressors. Moving is stressful, finding a new job is stressful…all of this at a time with no close family around for support. This is usually the time when most other couples would be enjoying their new relationship. Yet, in this situation things will be a little different.
It will be testing but that doesn’t mean its not achieveabale. After all, if you do get through such challenges so early on, its likely to build a very strong foundation.
However, you just need to really be aware of the fact that this isn’t a conventional relationship and will test you both individually and as a new couple.
Only you can make the choice that’s right for you and as the saying goes, you’ll never know unless you try.
Ultimiately, this is about your life, your feelings and your emotions. If you’ve fully considered your options and you find yourself willing and prepared to take a risk for love, then that’s all you can really ask of youself.
We all have a choice and we all have the opportunity to learn something from those choices.