Humans are relational creatures and even to some extent dependent on relationships to survive and to progress. This relational nature of humans starts from birth when the largely oblivious baby has to rely on the birth parent for the care of them and has to suckle from the breast for food. Readout this article for some dating tips for shy people.
In the process of these actions that are done and are repeated until the child is able to start exerting some form of independence, the first bond(s) is created in a child’s life. Over time, in the process of life, other bonds are created between the individual and members of the family, peers, neighbors, and members of the community at large.
However, though humans are relational creatures, each person is distinctive unique from the other in DNA and in certain character traits as it has been proven scientifically that no two persons are exactly alike. Again, people also differ temperamentally, and this is seen in how various people behave and react to various issues.
One of the results of this variances in temperament is that some people are not disposed to social gatherings and though they may be interested in fitting in socially, they are or see themselves as being awkward at it. One of the situations where this scenario plays itself out is as regards going on a date or dating in general.
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What Is Dating All About?
This is an arranged social activity or series of social activities between two or more persons who may be interested in each other who then use the opportunity of their arranged activities to get to know and evaluate each other well. Sometimes, this arrangement leads on to a serious romantic relationship and even marriage (if the individuals are so inclined) and at other times, it ends at just being a date.
The key point here is that it is what transpires during the dating period that determines whether the relationship blossoms into a more serious one or not. You can read more on this here.
Why Do People on Dates?
Though the purpose of dating is to get to know a person better, it is also true that many people today have different reasons why they to go on a date. Some of the reasons for going on a date are:
To Have A Good Time
Generally, it is fun to go for whatever activity you both choose, that is why you find that people actually just go to dates to catch fun. The thing with people who use this opportunity to just have fun and to enjoy themselves is that they might not have any goal in mind as it concerns starting a relationship. They might not even be serious about the relationship and are just maximizing a fun opportunity that came up.
The only advice here is that you should inform your partner on your purpose for the date so that no one is left stranded or misinformed. On the other hand, some just like dating for fun so that it is left for you to determine what you want in the arrangement.
To Make A New Friend
Another exciting reason why people go on dates is because, there is always the possibility of meeting someone new. Most times, adult life consumes people with the struggle to meet up with the responsibilities expected of them. However, these activities provide an opportunity for individuals to socialize, have fun and meet someone new who may end up becoming a romantic partner or a lifelong friend.
To Know Someone Better
Most times, chances are that you are already quite familiar with the person that you are going on a date with. Thus, the occasion just provides the opportunity for the persons involved to know themselves better on a personal level. The outcome of occasions like this usually determines the shape that the relationship will adopt.
For Marriage Purposes
Primarily, marriage was the reason why people went dating in the olden days and the practice still occurs today. In this instance, a relationship has already been established and the parties are now considering taking it up to the next level (marriage).
On the other hand, dates are also an opportunity for people to hookup. A hook up is an arrangement where people meet up for sexual encounters without being committed relationship wise or emotionally. This practice is quite popular in culture today as it allows people to get intimate and have fun without being committed or bound to a relationship.
In the society today, a lot of people go on dates to meet and establish relationships with persons other than their partners. The practice is quite common as many people who go out for such activities already have partners or are even married. Though this practice happens, it is not advisable but it is also a reason why people go on dates. You can find out more on this at https://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/133216-why-do-people-date/ .
The Dating Challenge
As have been earlier stated, people differ both in temperament and social ability. This is why some people are dominant, up and about in the society in seemingly indefatigable fashion while some others are rarely audible when they speak. It is why some people seem to be noticed by everyone while some are simply unnoticed. It is also why some people find it hard to approach someone to go on a date with them.
For people who are introverts or are shy, social activities and events are simply not their thing and this alienates them from the possibility of meeting someone new. Even when they do meet someone whom they are attracted to, they find it hard to make any move let alone approach the subject of their interest.
The sad thing about this is that these people long for relationship, romantic or not as everyone else. But not everyone is able to do what it takes to make this healthy desire a reality. Again, if the individual does not take steps to address the matter, then the individual runs the risk being lonely and that itself is a bad situation to be in. the question now is, what can be done about this situation?
Prepare Yourself Mentally To Date
As an adult, it is expected that you would have to be in meaningful relationships with people other than your family and childhood friends. For this to happen, you have to prepare yourself mentally for what approaching people or being approached by people will entail. You can try the following tips:
Compare The Benefit Of Approaching Someone
First, you got to ask yourself; what are the pros and cons of approaching this person? You can even make a list about it and if the benefits are weightier, then you have to brace yourself to do it.
Practice Talking Confidently
Sometimes, do you look at some people and feel that they are natural at engaging people? Well, the truth is, their temperamental disposition has made them willing to approach people and they have had real time practice over the years while you don’t have such experience to count on. So how do you make up for this? Well, practice on your own; it might not be everything but it is a start.
Brace Yourself For Rejection
Now this is the hardest part to deal with as no one gets used to rejection but it is always a possible outcome therefore, you have to brace yourself for it. Another thing to note is that in the instance that you are turned down, you should note that you are not the problem, that there is nothing inherently wrong with you. This is simply the way of things in life, you win or you lose.
Pick Activities For The Date
One of the ways to escape the awkwardness of the inability of a shy person to start a conversation is by setting activities for the date. The psychology there is that the activity that the two of you have to partake in gets you guys engrossed in it that you actually converse. Here, the date activity serves as an icebreaker for the both of you and actually hides the awkwardness of your trying to start a conversation.
Note however, that you still have to at some point, steer the conversation to the direction that you want it. And if there are doubts that you have as to what such activities should be like you can always check from reliable sources for dating tips for introverts, they will definitely be of help.
Tips For When You Are On A Date
Now, when you are on the date proper (which is where the real work starts) there are certain things that you have to bear in mind as you interact with your date. These things will help you to relax as you guys interact. These tips are:
Concentrate On Your Date
One mistake that shy people or introverts make when in a discussion with someone is constantly focusing on themselves, on how they are performing, whether they are saying and doing the right things. This is a wrong approach; it can even be considered as selfish and finally, you will most probably miscalculate at some point in the discussion if this is your disposition. Rather, focus on your date, focus on the present, focus on what you guys are doing or are about to do at the moment.
Do Not Try To Mind Read Your Date
This is bad habit that occurs as a result of our insecurities because, you may think that being able to guess what the other is thinking will help you be more preemptive in pleasing your date. But funny enough, can one really guess what the other person is thinking?
Most times, this makes the date a stressful endeavor which ends up stressing the both of you out rather than the fun activity that it was supposed to be. Rather than do this, try and flow with the conversation and the prevailing mood of the meet.
Do Not Seek For An Escape
In the heat of the moment, people who are shy and are feeling the immediate pressure of having a personal conversation with another can look for an escape. They might start drinking some more just to ease off the tension that they are feeling or smoking or a wide range of other things just to escape the feeling of the moment.
This is not how to handle the moment; you might end up getting yourself drunk; for all you know smoking might be a big turn off for your date. Nothing will give you as much confidence in your social abilities than you pulling through the engagement by yourself whether successfully or unsuccessfully.
Rather than trying to find an escape, you can simply be honest with to your date about your social disposition. And in most cases, it works as it makes the other person a bit more understanding as they might be feeling the same. Be careful though not to overshare.
It is important to note that these tips are not conclusive in themselves. There are always unique factors in every dating arrangement that you have to take cognizance of. You can read this article as a guide.
It is an inherently human thing to want to associate with others. No one is an island neither can anyone afford to be that.
Unfortunately, due to temperamental dispositions, some have not allowed themselves the opportunity to explore in the area of relationships for fear of rejection. Know this, everyone needs love and sometimes you have to go for it and see how it goes; you have to take that chance.